DH had to tell MIL yesterday because his grandma was going in for surgery and he wanted to make sure she had something to fight for. She's okay now, out of surgery, out of the ICU and on the cardiac floor. She was having irregular heart rhythms and such.
But, I'm really irritated. He told MIL and told her not to tell. She told SIL. We had only told my parents and he told one work guy and I told 1 (and one guessed). Last time we were PG, she blurted to SIL as soon as we told her, like yelled across the house. Our news to tell.... His aunt knows too, but that's because she was in the room when he told his grandma and mom.
But then because SIL heard it from MIL, she was upset that he didn't tell her. So DH, like an idiot, promises (at SIL's request) to tell earlier next time... Yeah, not going to happen. I understand with everything going on with his grandma he didn't want to bring up drama that would upset her but he should never have promised. He tried to explain that the reason he didn't tell was because it was really hard to untell when we miscarried last time. It seemed like she didn't get it.
So I now am going to make sure that they are aware that it is our news to share when we want to. Because they found out before I was ready to tell, I told DH that I will not be on the phone with anyone about this pregnancy until I'm ready. I will not become a walking talking incubator yet. I am still Allyssa, not just a pregnant person. If things get heated, I'm gonna be telling them something along these lines:
It's an intimate action between DH and I that caused the baby.
The baby is IN my body.
The baby will be coming out through MY vagina.
Why should anyone feel like they should know anything before we're ready.
On a side note, I'm really not looking forward to telling work. As soon as I do, I'm opening myself up to the stupid "how are you FEELING" small talk. I hate small talk as it is, this is just worse. It was like when we were wedding planning. That was all anyone could think to talk about and it got SOOOO irritating.
OMG thank you for writing this. This is how I feel its going to be, and I suspect that my mom who has been told not to tell (and cannot keep a secret) has already went and told her family overseas. I can't shake that feeling, and it really makes me angry. Its like its my body and we made the baby, I feel like it should be our news!
ReplyDeleteExactly. I'm glad we think the same lol!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand how you feel and why. The challenge is that people like to be the one to share the news. We finally ended up telling everyone before we didn't get a chance to be the ones who shared it.
ReplyDeleteIf you thought the wedding talk was bad - just wait for the baby talk!! People ask every single day "How are you feeling?" "When are you due again?" "Are you doing okay?"
ReplyDeleteAnd my MIL, when ever she comes to visit doesn't even acknowledge (not even eye contact) that I'm in the room until after she has held Logan and talked to him first. I'm thinking "Hello, I'm the one who housed him for 9 months - what about me?!?" I never say anything though, I just have to deal with it.
Jayme unfortunately I think that's normal. My parents probably won't go so nuts as long as we're living here but I fully expect MIL to do that. I'm thinking that that happened to my parents when Bry and I were born too. I think I'll be glad for some of the conversation pressure to be taken off right away. I know it will get irritating at some point though.
ReplyDeleteAMEN sister! lol
ReplyDeleteWe had the same thing happen. We told my mom, told her to keep it on the down low but told her she could tell ONLY her best friend (so she had someone to talk to about it) and her best friend blabbed to the world...
That turned out to be especially awkward seeings as we mc'd...