First week back to work

I bought a few cute outfits today off our CL site for three dollars each. One 6-12 month romper and one 0-3 month 3 piece winnie the pooh set with a onesie, pants and a jacket. She threw in 3-6 month onesie as well as bonus.

Also between today and monday I bought 38 burp cloths. I will sew them into anything I can think of :)
So far I've thought of using them for:
- flat diapers
- wipes (serging some layers together into smaller squares)
- swaddles (maybe sewing a few together and putting velcro on them)

Super sore boobs today as well as crampy pains in my higher stomach and sore in the uterus area too.

Told bosses today. They were good with the news. Principal boss doesn't seem to want me to come back in September for a few weeks. But guess what? If you want the best for your students in your school, you'll bring me back, otherwise his new E.A.'s won't know his technology and that will hold him back BIG time. I think he'll come around considering my mom knows this as well as my nice boss who had that conversation practically asking me to come back in September.

Also I need to flaunt the belly otherwise they'll see me at 27 weeks and then not again... that's just not okay with me.

T minus 13 days until the ultrasound and our news goes public!

Logical?

What say you guys?

I'm "coming out" to work after my 17w1d ultrasound.
I won't be working with my student next year.
I think he deserves to know with the rest of the staff for these reasons.

I'll post on facebook that night and his mom is on my facebook. I don't know if she can keep the secret.
My friend M's little sister is in grade 7 in the same school and I don't know if she'll talk but I told M she can tell her sisters after I tell the staff.
I won't be working with him and there's nosy ladies who will be all "who's working with him next year".
The ones who will actually be working with him next year will probably find out around the same time and I don't trust them not to stop him in the hall and talk to him about them working with him next year.

So that's M's sister, the 2 staff that will work with him, his mom and numerous other staff who might tell him or talk to me when he's in earshot that have the opportunity to blab to him if I don't tell him right away.

Also, when would you tell those family members on facebook. They don't deserve to find out with the rest of the world when I post it on facebook... but at the same time, I'd love for them to just find out then because the more people that know before, the more people that can say something obvious on my subtle facebook messages.

Why do you lie to me?

A coworker blabbed to the lady (J) I job share my blind student with. J wanted to back off of the student's team next year because he's going into grade 7 and it's a hard year and she wanted to give him the transition year before high school. This coworker went to J and told her that she might want to stay with the student because I was pregnant. HOW THE FUCK IS IT HER BUSINESS?!

Then J spoke to our boss lady when she sat J down to talk about the student for next year. Boss already knew and J asked discreetly to test the waters and see if boss knew. That's okay, that's fine. So boss comes to me today and tells me I might want to be careful who I tell. I was confused and then she told me that that lady had blabbed to J. I was almost in tears.

So I confronted the coworker as non confrontational as I could. Asking her "did you tell J?" and she said no. So I told her what boss had told me and asked if maybe she overheard her talking to someone. So she says that maybe J overheard her and I talking.

After school I talk to J and apologized because I should have been the one to tell her, not the other lady. I asked J a couple questions and J tells me that no, she didn't overhear, she TOLD her. I double checked that it wasn't a "GUESS WHAT?" type of thing and it wasn't but when I heard the real story, it wasn't much better honestly.

It WASN'T her business. My mom is a boss too. If she was that concerned about our student she could ask my mom what was going on. But NO, she had to go and stress J out and pull this shit on her.

Poor J is stressed to the max. When her stress levels go down a bit, I'll confront coworker who told. I just don't want coworker to stress J out more at this moment. So as far as work is concerned (mostly that coworker actually), I'm not talking about the baby. I'm not sure what I'll say, but thankfully there's one week left (plus half day friday for me) and then it's spring break for two weeks. After that, I'll be out to the admin (principal plus the boss that I had problems with last year) and soon after I'll be out to the whole staff.

This coworker was my friend. I need to confront her to save our friendship, if that's even possible at this time. I'm not sure I can trust her again after she LIED to me.

Edit as of Apr 20: I confronted her last week and all is good now. She told the truth and we talked and now I don't even think about it anymore when I see her.

Happy birthday...

... Louis Braille. You created a fantastic code for people who are visually impaired. You changed lives.

Butting heads...

I feel like I'm butting heads with a coworker. I tried giving ideas today and I felt so shot down like she wasn't willing to hear my ideas and take them seriously. I HATE HATE HATE being a young one.

Stressed to the max

I've got to sit down with my mentor tomorrow and talk to her about what I'm going to say to my boss...

I dislike this whole mentor thing. I like the lady that is my mentor, but I hate the title. It makes me feel different since no one else has an appointed mentor.

I honestly don't think that I was that bad last year. I wish people would have spoken to me. It's not fair for me to go through this stress now because people didn't have the balls to come to me last year.

One week apart

Honestly it seems like everyone around me is pregnant. And I'm not kidding. Sometimes I go out and think to myself, hey I haven't seen anyone pregnant yet and then suddenly like 2 walk by.

I talked to someone at work yesterday who's due about 1 week before I was. It was so nice to talk to her about miscarriages and such. She had one recently and so she was better for me to talk to than the ladies at work with kids my age who had them a long time ago. It made me sad. But it made me feel better. It gave me hope.

Depressed

I'm feeling so depressed and stressed out about work. I'm not supposed to be this stressed out at the end of the work year. I have half a day left tomorrow and then it's summer. I've got to have some tough conversations tomorrow so that I don't have all this stress weighing down on me.

Thought it was done

I know this is my third post for the day but I don't like to clump.

With my evaluation last week came questions as to why these things happened and comments as to how I thought it was unfair.

I was TOTALLY dumped on. No one took the time to give me a heads up earlier in the year so I got dumped on about all the things I've been doing badly on this year, right in the last two weeks.

My hours got cut from 80% to 50% and I feel like I'm on probation. I'm pretty sure I am. However, it's the principal who apparently decided my work assignment for me next year.

I've got a dilemma now because I'm not satisfied with my hours and the explanations given to me, but it's hard to approach him with this now because his wife just passed away yesterday from cancer and he's not around. I would never approach him in person with all that I know he's got going on but I know I need to take it to him now.

I've decided that if I need to keep my personal life outside of work by putting on a happy face no matter what's going on with me, then I need to realize that, pain or not, I have to take this to him because it's part of his job as well.

I'm going to take time to draft an email to him and email it when the timing feels appropriate so he can take his time getting back to me. I just can't go through a whole year filled with resentment and regret because I didn't follow though.

An ally

You don't realize how important it is to feel like you have an ally at work until you feel like you don't have one. I thought I was okay with one lady I work with, but after hearing comments from my bosses today, I'm not so sure.

These last two weeks have just been dishing me all I can handle. I've definitely had some bad thoughts and I don't know, maybe I will revisit the idea of perhaps needing anti-depressants or something with my doctor. I mean, there has to be some reason that people are finding me rude and distant when I don't feel like I am, right?

Just a lovely load to be dumped on me right at the end of the school year.

Emotions

My evaluation isn't until 9:30 and my eyes are tearing up. I don't know how I will get through it without crying.
There aren't many people I can talk to. I don't want to hear how I should take it as constructive criticism because it's just hard to get an evaluation like this.

Bad moment or bad day?

Yeah I'm gonna say that this bad moment made my whole day bad.

I get the dreaded evaluation tomorrow morning at work. I requested that it be moved to next year given the stress that this year has put on me and the fact that I know I'm not at my best. I got an email this morning stating that it's out of their control and that it will have to be tomorrow. My mom brought home my paper evaluation.

I just didn't expect my evaluation to be this bad. I expected some understanding from my bosses who know everything that I've been through this year with my grandpa and dog dying, my miscarriage and the extremely tough situation with one of the students I work with.

I got one E for exceeding, a few M's for meeting, and a ton of I's for needing improvement. I was evaluated my first year and it was almost the polar opposite of this year. I think I only had one I, and the rest were split like 50/50 between E and M.

Let's see how the meeting goes tomorrow. I'm not impressed. I feel betrayed, disrespected and that there was a lack of professionalism (sending it home with my mom).

Another day...

I'm so exhausted and sick right now. We have three more weeks of work before the kids are out for the summer, then it's just a few days the following week for the adults.

At least the end of the year brings field trips and random activities.

Well, my dog is telling me it's time to leave for work. He's waiting in his crate for me to lock him in.