Dr. appointment

• Baby was easy to find heartbeat. Nice and strong the Dr. said at 148 bpm
• Weight gain is normal for this point
• My blood pressure is up from about 120ish to about 136ish so I'm going back in 2 weeks to check again and he'll put me on meds if there's any concern at that point.

Hopefully I can put the blood pressure worries out of my head since the Dr. said not to worry anyways. I'll see him in 2 weeks and see the baby next week.

The things my nightmares are made of

My dad left the gate to the backyard open yesterday when DH and I were out (we rent their basement suite). Their dog, Barney, got out but thankfully Elvis was with my dad the whole time. Dad closed the gate and realized he hadn't seen Barney in a while. Barney had gotten out and had been out for a half hour. He stayed close to the house in the front yard thankfully for them.

Last time Elvis got out of the house without us watching him closely, he booked it out into the street and almost got hit by a car. I can't stop thinking about the gate. I'm debating locking it closed on my dad while we're gone for 2 days. I'm really freaking out. I would just... well, I don't know what I'd do if Elvis got killed by a car or lost.

I wish I knew what he would do. I wish he could understand me. These emotions are really getting the better of me. I want to stop worrying but Elvis is my baby and one of the most important things in my life.

Symptoms in full force

My symptoms have been crazy present since last week. It's like the baby is trying to reassure me "I'm okay in here still, don't worry". Crazy sore boobs still, m/s in full force. I was sick yesterday morning and nauseous basically every time I'm sitting at home.

I'm praying they'll hear the HB at this next appointment on Thursday because I know I'll really freak if they don't. I'm still a little bit worried but the symptoms being crazy strong are really helping me to feel better about it.

On a side note, this heavy beating heart is driving me bonkers. I can feel it pounding (normal speed) in my throat and chest and other parts of my body randomly. Damn extra blood pumping through my body. I'd really love to sit still and try focus on my body as the baby gets stronger to see if I can feel anything.

Nervous

10w3d today and the Dr. couldn't find the HB on his doppler. It finds at the earliest at 10 weeks. Now I wouldn't be nervous if we were able to find it ourselves or if we had never heard it. But we found it last thursday at 9w3d on our doppler and haven't been able to find it since.

I have another Dr. appointment next Thursday to try find it again and if they can't, they'll send me for another u/s to double check.

KMFX. I'm trying to stay calm.

Updated our story

Here's what I added:

SUMMARY OF THE BEGINNING OF LIFE FROM THE BEGINNING OF THIS BLOG UNTIL THE END OF FEB 2012

We got our first BFP on April 7 and it was a surprise. We were preventing with condoms but not hormonal birth control. The baby was a result of one single night of no protection. Yes, ladies, it can happen. I miscarried a few weeks later before hitting 8 weeks gestation. I struggled for a long time with it. My cycle was very irregular and went from a 28 day cycle before I got pregnant to a random all over the place cycle after. My first cycle lasted 107 days, the next one 76 days and the third 42 days. Those three cycles combined were about 8 months. On my fourth cycle, about 40 days in, I got my second BFP.

I'm currently writing this at almost 10 weeks along with this baby. We have heard the heart beat on our home doppler and seen it on an ultrasound. I'm very worried that I'll miscarry again but I'm trying to stay positive for stress' sake. I keep telling myself, we're past the point we miscarried last time and we've seen/heard the heartbeat and our chance of miscarriage are less than 5% right now. All the stories we read on BBC and faces of loss are women who's experienced it coming together to grieve together and that's why there seems to be more losses on sites like those.

Ultrasound

Today ended much better than Friday did. The ultrasound clinic called today and was all sweet and "oops, 14 week scan at 18 weeks, that won't work." So...  I have an u/s tomorrow. KMFX everything goes well. I'd appreciate any thoughts and prayers you can send me. I'm so nervous. My only other ultrasound experience was after my miscarriage and that wasn't a happy experience. I hope tomorrow's tears are tears of joy. I want to see a little bean dancing around inside.

DH was talking to me this morning and mentioned how excited he is to have someone in his life blood related to him. I just want to cry happy tears over everything today.

7w6d and uncharted territory

Yesterday went well. I passed the mark where I lost my baby last time. I mean technically, my miscarriage probably started at 7w0d and I should have stopped counting but by 7w6d, I knew for sure I was miscarrying so I stopped counting then.

Here's to uncharted territory! 8 weeks today baby!

7w5d

Sick from work today. However that's a great sign. Baby and I have made it most of the way through hell week and all is good. No sign of red on the TP or anything.

This is my 200th post. I'm thrilled that my 200th post happened while I was pregnant :)

I've also blogged more about this pregnancy so far than I have about my miscarriage in the past 9 months. That makes me happy :) Only three more posts about this pregnancy and it will be (I think) the most blogged about subject on my blog.

7w4d

3 more days until I will relax a bit... (not a lot though). I hope to order our doppler either on Wednesday or after my u/s which should hopefully be scheduled closeish to my Dr. appointment on Feb 14th. It would be nice to know baby is all well and kicking in there before I order it. I'm so nervous we'll get in there for the u/s and will have found that I've had a missed miscarriage... :( I wish my fears could be gone.

7w3d

4 days of my hell week over and done and good. I'm pleased.

On a side note, I feel like hurling. A&W did NOT sit well with me tonight... the craving was so strong but then after eating... /gag

7w2d

Feeling sick, but good.

7w1d

All's clear. Another day done and gone.

7w0d

Official 7 week post to come when I take a picture tomorrow...

I seem to have made it through 7w0d with no spotting... only 6 more days to go of "hell week" until I'm in uncharted pregnancy territory.

Nerve wracking week ahead

Tomorrow marks week 7 of this pregnancy.

Last time week 7 was Good Friday. That evening I started spotting. I was okay and the bleeding slowed on Saturday. Then Sunday and Monday I layed around the house as the bleeding was stronger and I was really crampy. Monday we went to the ER where they couldn't tell me much except my HCG levels. I went in for bloodwork on Wednesday and found out Thursday that I was definitely miscarrying. All this before I hit 8 weeks of my pregnancy.

So here's to hoping history doesn't repeat itself.

Testin' strong

Still feeling like it isn't real so I've been testing over and over again with ovulation tests (all show positive of course). My bigger clear blue test didn't work this morning. Not even a control line showed up. It was weird. The other one better work or I'm calling them and requesting new ones.

I really think the timing on this pregnancy couldn't be much better. I feel like this baby will be my take home baby but I still can't help but worry.

I really don't want to feel cheated again like I felt after my miscarriage. I never got to experience a worry free pregnancy. At least with this one I NEED an u/s for dating so I will know early on that the pregnancy is viable. I know you're not out of the woods at that point, but it will make me feel better.

Babycenter.com is DRAMA. One lady posted about being positive but the comments she made were a slap in the face to those of us who've needed the BB for support through worrying times. She doesn't want to see posts about people worrying but really...? Don't read them imo. I hope she gets fed up and leaves. Doesn't sound like she's got many people on her side.

I'm part of a facebook group for September 2012 moms. It's a private group and the ladies in there all seem like great people. I never built any relationships except with one person in the December 2011 board. A lot of us who miscarried bonded through another group after our miscarriages but before that I hadn't bonded with anyone. The one person I bonded with (outside of the miscarriage support group) miscarried as well and I posted about her a long time ago. We still communicate. She unfortunately due to life wasn't able to try again like a lot of us but she's still happy for me. I hope she gets her rainbow soon!

I hope to have morning sickness with this baby. It will make things feel very opposite my last pregnancy and I really feel that I need that right now. It will let me know that things are headed in the right direction. Nips still sore which is good news :) Tummy feelin' weird but not bad crampy or stretch crampy (although I can't remember what that feels like atm).

I'm gonna go by my due date I'm guessing until the doctor tells me differently. So I'm in week 4 day 5 atm.

Private blog/Paranoia

Anyone who wants to read my letters to my baby blog (been writing since pre-conception), email me at ak.streeper@gmail.com or post a comment here and I'll send you an invite. I'll need your email address though. I don't want real life people reading it, that's why it's private.

I'm worried that I'm gonna go to the Dr. and he's gonna tell me that I'm not actually pregnant. I was so sure last time that I was that he sent me for a blood test even when his pee test said I wasn't. I just need to remember that I have the same nip soreness as last time.

I'm also worried that I'm not gonna make it to 40 weeks and end up with a baby. But there's nothing I can do there so I've got to take it one day at a time. The week flew by last week so I hope a few more fly by quickly so that I can get past my 8 week miscarriage spot. I won't relax much until I get past that and then once I get to the 2nd trimester I'll feel so much better too.