Wednesday, 7 December 2011

Due date

Two days from now (Dec 9) marks the due date for me and a friend from BBC who both miscarried.

It's not fair when I see new pregnancy announcements and think that I should be announcing the birth of my baby. There's 32 weeks of my life since the miscarriage that I will never get back. I will never get to meet this baby and I will never get to hold him/her.

There's babies everywhere and I just want one of my own so badly.

AF is still being a bitch and not showing her ugly face on her old schedule.

I didn't think it'd be this hard to get pregnant in 8 months but apparently when your period only comes every few months, it's almost impossible.

I've got no desire to have sex, therefore there is no way that I could be getting pregnant. I'm not a man, I can't go every other day for the rest of my life just hoping to catch the egg on the once in a blue moon time that I ovulate.

It's time to break out the birth control or clomid, either way I NEED my cycle back the way it was so I can track properly.


  1. I am on cycle 2 of clomid. Lets see how that goes. It does weird thing to my mood though. I am sorry you feel so down about all of this, but I find you to be a very strong sounding individual and you will get through this. Plus, a little grieving never hurt anyone. People are to afraid to feel these days when sometimes that is just what you need.

  2. Hey, I know its weird that I'm commenting on this, since the only posts of yours I've ever read are this one and the Christmas one, and maybe my comment is totally inappropriate, BUT my religion teaches that women who lose children (whether born or unborn) get the chance to raise them in the next life (aka heaven). Most religions don't teach that, and I don't even know if you ARE religious, but it's a lovely thought, and I thought you might appreciate it. It must be impossibly hard to go through a miscarriage, but at least know that maybe you will get have your baby someday after all.

  3. It's not weird Becky and it's not inappropriate. I'm a christian and I believe that too. I've read Heaven is for Real and it was amazing. But it still doesn't make it much easier knowing that anyways because right now is when it hurts and I know until I have my own, I'm going to keep counting the months.