Prayers

I pray every day that God will send my AF back regular so we can start tracking and temping properly. I can't take this BD EOD FOREVER crap. I don't have the stamina.

I pray every day that God will give me a healthy happy pregnancy for my next one. I don't think I can emotionally go through another miscarriage.

I pray every day to be pregnant soon or to be given the patience to get through another month of trying.

7.5 months is a long time especially when I technically have only had (MAX) 3 chances to conceive.

My Struggles #2

Remember my friend that was having the baby shower in Portland. My second struggle revolved around her and her baby. We were 30 weeks apart. Her baby was born 2 weeks ago and it was a struggle for me.

It wasn't so hard being excited for them when they were in the hospital and having the baby. I enjoyed hearing about their experience and dreaming about my own.

When they finally were able to bring him home, it was just too real for me. The first video that was posted of him that popped up in my facebook newsfeed just made me break down. It was terrible.

It still makes me sad to see pictures but since then, I've blocked her from my newsfeed so pictures and videos don't sneak up on me. I still check them out, but only when I'm ready for them.

My Struggles #1

Shortly after my miscarriage, a couple at my parents' church lost their baby. Their baby was lost due to long cord syndrome and was fine and healthy until the end of the pregnancy when he dropped. The cord wrapped around his neck and the poor little baby was strangled.

The struggle that I had with this is the fact that I had to suffer in silence. I knew this couple and the church. My own parents seemed like they were tired of hearing me talk about the miscarriage (which I didn't talk much at all and talked even less after this experience). The church rearranged their mother's day service to honour this couple and their lost baby.

The only thing that made their baby different from ours is time. The 30+ more weeks that their baby had that our baby never had the chance to have is the only reason the people knew and the only reason that people mourn their loss and don't mourn ours.

I've gotten lots of posts from people on babycenter.com when I posted a post about this. I even got a post from someone who had gone through a stillborn and a miscarriage and posted that they both hurt and they both felt different but it also wasn't fair that people don't mourn miscarriages the same way.

If it wasn't for babycenter.com I don't know how I would have survived.