Saturday 29 October 2011

Losing a battle

I feel like my miscarriage made me lose out on the last 8 months of what my life could have been. I still feel like I'm fighting a losing battle and losing month after month of my life. It's really upsetting to think that if I were still pregnant I would have a baby in a month and a week.

I want to move on from this. I want AF to show regularly so I can feel like for once in the last 8 months, I'm winning a battle.

I know when I get pregnant again I will feel cheated. It will almost 100% be in 2012 or later and it's just not fair. I've lived through knowing I was pregnant and going through the next 8 months of my life. I will have to re-live an entire pregnancy. Why don't I get rewarded for it? Why is there no baby for me? Why do I have to do a do-over?

P.S. AF is so unregular. Light pink tinge Thursday night. A bit on the TP Fri morning and almost nothing throughout yesterday and a bit on the TP this morning. I would think that if my body is going to regulate itself without medical help that it would start with a regular AF (my last one in Aug was normalish for me).

2 comments:

  1. This made me sad.
    (Sorry I'm blog stalking today, I'm at work and it's super boring)

    I know how you feel though. I've never had a MC but I've had cancer and while they aren't the same thing, they're both extremely emotionally damaging.

    I hope you get your cycle on track and I hope that you get your baby soon. Maybe our bodies will be better and we can start January off the right way?!

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  2. It's all good lol. It's like the most comments I've ever gotten haha.

    I'm crossing my fingers definitely. It's tough. My friend had a baby in September and it makes me sad when I hold her baby. It's tough that I was so close and now I'm 10+ months away from getting one of my own.

    I feel now that people know we're trying, I'm letting them down :(

    I just wish I knew when things would get normal so I could count down the days until we'd be able to try again.

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