Saturday, 29 October 2011

Losing a battle

I feel like my miscarriage made me lose out on the last 8 months of what my life could have been. I still feel like I'm fighting a losing battle and losing month after month of my life. It's really upsetting to think that if I were still pregnant I would have a baby in a month and a week.

I want to move on from this. I want AF to show regularly so I can feel like for once in the last 8 months, I'm winning a battle.

I know when I get pregnant again I will feel cheated. It will almost 100% be in 2012 or later and it's just not fair. I've lived through knowing I was pregnant and going through the next 8 months of my life. I will have to re-live an entire pregnancy. Why don't I get rewarded for it? Why is there no baby for me? Why do I have to do a do-over?

P.S. AF is so unregular. Light pink tinge Thursday night. A bit on the TP Fri morning and almost nothing throughout yesterday and a bit on the TP this morning. I would think that if my body is going to regulate itself without medical help that it would start with a regular AF (my last one in Aug was normalish for me).


  1. This made me sad.
    (Sorry I'm blog stalking today, I'm at work and it's super boring)

    I know how you feel though. I've never had a MC but I've had cancer and while they aren't the same thing, they're both extremely emotionally damaging.

    I hope you get your cycle on track and I hope that you get your baby soon. Maybe our bodies will be better and we can start January off the right way?!

  2. It's all good lol. It's like the most comments I've ever gotten haha.

    I'm crossing my fingers definitely. It's tough. My friend had a baby in September and it makes me sad when I hold her baby. It's tough that I was so close and now I'm 10+ months away from getting one of my own.

    I feel now that people know we're trying, I'm letting them down :(

    I just wish I knew when things would get normal so I could count down the days until we'd be able to try again.