Thursday, 26 May 2011

I never knew how badly I wanted it...

The reason I'm so obsessed with baby things is because I was recently pregnant.

Our story:

I had wanted a baby since I was a teenager. I had dreams about having the next immaculate conception. Lol. When I met my husband, I imagined having babies with him and could totally see it. I wanted a baby right away but I knew that we wouldn't have time alone for a long time if we had a baby too soon.

Fast forward 8 months after the wedding. We are planning a visit to Portland for a friend's baby shower and I'm calculating when I should be expecting my period. I calculate the same weekend.

Fast forward about a week, 5 days before we leave-ish. I recalculate and realize that I was off by a week and I'm actually a few days late. We talked about it and agreed that I would test before we left.

Nothing happened and I tested the day before we left and got a positive test. I was shocked and started crying. Over the course of the day I get used to it. The next morning I tested again and got another positive. It was easier to handle and I told my first person that morning. I was so excited to be pregnant. I was 5 weeks pregnant when I found out.

I got it verified by a blood test the following Wednesday and we told my parents, his parents and our grandparents.

I was excited to be pregnant but also feeling like my body was being taken over. I felt weird. Morning sickness... kinda kicked in around 7 weeks. I had a bit of spotting one weekend and told the doctor. The day after the appointment I started spotting again.

By Easter Sunday, I was laying around cramping. Easter Monday it was worse and we went to the ER. I had an exam and they did blood work. They couldn't tell me anything yet except that my HCG was low. The doctor told me it was still within normal but I doubted that. I had it confirmed later that my levels were around what you expect for 4 weeks and I was almost 8 weeks.

My schedule after the ER visit looked like this:
Tues: missed work
Wed: blood work, went in for a meeting and left. It was too hard to handle.
Thurs: missed work, confirmed miscarriage
Fri: missed work
Mon-Wed: missed work again

I just couldn't handle being at work around the few people who knew. I spent a lot of time surfing on their miscarriage support forums. I also watched a ton of Desperate Housewives. I needed all the time to focus on other things. At work there was always too much to think.

So there's my story. Along with this miscarriage, we realized how much we want a baby now.

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