Sadness

Is it okay that most of the time I'm sad but not crying?

With my grandpa he lived far, far away and therefore I was able to go about my day to day life without thinking about him dying. He wasn't a regular occurrence in my day to day life, therefore things weren't all that changed for me.

This cousin lived a 2 hour ferry ride (costs over $100 to go across and back) away. It's closer, but still not close enough that he was a regular occurrence in my day to day life as well.

What I'm saying, I guess, is that it feels wrong to not be really upset. I think I MAKE myself feel sadder by thinking about him, the same way I did with my grandpa. It just feels wrong.

Tragedy

Today is one of those days where life takes over all thoughts of TTC. My cousin Tyler died this morning in the hospital (we think) as a result of a drug overdose. I'm positive he wasn't a drug addict but this is still unreal. It's like something that happens in a TV show, not real life.

My family has more questions than answers at this point but from what we know, he asked his friend to take him to the hospital because he was feeling strange and on the way, he slipped into a coma. As far as I know, he never came out of his coma. 

He was 20 years old, an only child and one of only 4 first cousins I have in my entire family.

Below is a picture of me, my brother (tall in blue), my other cousin (little one) and Tyler. This was taken at my wedding. These are all the cousins on my mom's side of the family.

Can you imagine what it would be like to slip into a coma, or go to sleep and never wake up? I think this is a really depressing thought and all I can picture right now, is someone locked away in their body screaming but not being heard. I know this is probably not true, but where is he? Where is my cousin?

Blogger's Giveaway

A fellow blogger is having a giveaway. Follow this link to her blog and win $10 towards an etsy shop with custom baby onesies and other adorable things.

Breaking Dawn Part 1

Loved it. I thought the imprinting with Jacob and Renesmee was so sweet looking and the fight between the wolves and vampires was intense.

Josh was all sad when there were tender moments between Edward and Bella during her pregnancy.

All in all, great ending I think. It was the perfect place to end. They still have Renesmee growing up and the Volturi visit to put in the 2nd movie.

I remember the apple from Twilight and how it was in the movies but I don't remember the New Moon flower or the Eclipse red ribbon. As for the chess, Bella and Edward played a lot of chess on their honeymoon... white and red. Interesting set.

Nursery Theme?

I found a nursery theme that I think I might like. This can tie in all sorts of colours instead of having the colour be the theme. Ready for it?

What do you think?

I'm excited about all the possibilities for this :)

DIY Mani

I finally got some Sally Hansen Nail Strips. They were so awesome and so easy to use. I will definitely be buying them again. They've got some really cool patterns. I'm excited to buy a new set when this set comes off.

In Time

LOVED IT. I recommend that everyone goes to see it. It's such an interesting idea.

On a side note, I discovered I like sci fi movies. However, I'm not such a fan of the space sci fi ones (though there are a few I like).

Here are some ones I like (not sure if they're all sci fi though):

1. Planet of the Apes
2. Back to the Future
3. The Island
4. Gattica
5. Star Wars
6. Surrogates
7. Cowboys and Aliens

And I love most of the end of the world movies too xD

Mulan/Shang

Lookie what I found! I told my husband to buy these for me for christmas!

Links:

Mulan

Shang

Of course, I wouldn't say no to the clothing for Mulan either :P I'm thinking either I'll dress her up and display both of them somewhere, or I'll leave them in the boxes. My favourite outfit is the purple one below.

Cartoon Crush

My favourite cartoon movie is...

In the movie Mulan, I love Mulan's singing voice and character but my favourite character 

is Captain Li Shang.

He's got such a great singing voice and I think his personality is just to die for. If he was a real person, I'd totally be in love with him lol. For now, I'd say he's my one and only cartoon crush (and has been for years).

Aren't they just so cute together?

I love the song he sings too. I'll Make a Man Out of You... LOL

Damn you auto correct!

ROFL. I love this site. They're got the top funniest of October posted now.

My dog, learning to roll over

New tricks. I love my dog, he's so smart!

Changes

I think before my miscarriage and my pregnancy, I was looking forward to being pregnant almost more than having a baby.

Things changed with the miscarriage. I think atm, I do still WANT to be pregnant but I know that every day of my pregnancy I will be hoping and praying that everything goes alright.

I don't think that I will ever be able to relax again. When I'm pregnant, I won't relax and when I have a baby I know I'll be terrified of SIDS too.

I can't imagine my next pregnancy ending in miscarriage but I couldn't imagine that with my last one either... :( I'm getting better at picturing myself with a baby now but I don't know what I will do if I lose my next one (whenever we get pregnant again).

IKEA Baby Things

IKEA didn't seem to have baby cribs and such on their site a few weeks ago. I checked back and they've got them on there again so I'm going to post the things that I would like to get in the future so that I can remember the links for everything.

Gulliver Crib

Gulliver Change Table

Hemnes Chest with Changing Table Top

Hensvik Crib

Hensvik Shelf with Changing Table Top

No explanation needed... lol

Dr. appt again

I had another doctor's appointment today.

My blood work came back all normal. I kinda wish it had come back abnormal so that I would know why my cycle is not normal.

He seems to be sure that things will regulate soon... I wish I had his confidence...

Oh, and also... he tells me not to get stressed out... Boss is coming back to work after Remembrance Day probably. I'm sure that I'm going to be one of the first people she comes to check in with. I'm not excited about that.

Edited: Forgot this part

He asked me if I had a way to track ovulation. I told him I had an app that tracks temperature and cervical mucus. It sounded gross saying it out loud haha. I love ovuview!

Captchas

Or however they're spelled...

I hate them. I don't understand why people use them. I can understand approving comments or if you've had spam, putting them up, but they're just irritating. I've accidentally closed my tab after posting and forgot to write the captcha... blah

P.S. Alex, you're awesome. I loved the captchas as potential baby names post! That makes them fun. Everytime I write one, I think about you haha.